Right now, as I type this, there is left over home made chili sitting in the refrigerator.

And it's calling me.

"Eat me," it whispers through the door and across the living room. "Eat me, I am healthy, I am made with lean ground beef and turkey. I have onions and green peppers and spices. I have so many beans your colon won't know what do do with you.

"Eat me. Nobody will ever know."

But I will know.

And yes, I tell the chili in the fridge, you are healthy. But so are grapes and oranges and apples. One of those are fine, six of them at a time are not. One bowl of chili is healthy, two or three is not so much.

"But I'm tasty, I'm delicious, you will feel so much better for having eaten me."

For five minutes I might feel that initial rush of joy as my taste buds dance in spicy glee but I won't feel like that later. I won't feel good that I gave into mental cravings when I know I wasn't hungry. I would feel angry that I gave in because I was bored and I miss the memory of how good it tasted. I wouldn't be fulfilling my nutritional needs (that have already been fulfilled) but simply my own mental greed.

So I keep my hands busy. I knit, I type, I drink water and ice tea. I think about my plans for the weekend and even though the chili calls my name (it knows my name!) I say no.

You have no dominion over me.

I need to exercise more. Ugh.

Studies have show that for weight maintenance (especially for a significant amount previously lost) a person should do about 60-90 minutes of DAILY exercise.

I really hate exercising.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I don't mind exercising after I get myself going, it's just starting that's the hard part. I can be really really good at talking myself out of it. It's also about forming a habit or routine for doing it regularly.

Right now I bike to and from BART every day, that's 20 minutes. I'm thinking of using my lunch breaks to walk around our block a couple of times at a good pace (no stop lights or streets to cross, just solid walking). That would add about another 20 minutes. Jonathan also wants to get into a habit of exercising more (even though his job has him working a lot, another 30 minutes would probably help him) so a plan we have is for him to meet me downstairs right as I get home from work so we can get in a 10-20 minute walk before I even sit down and demotivate myself. Of course, because of his class schedule, we could only do that on Mondays and Fridays. However, now that we're getting close to the rainy season, I can't depend on doing that every day. Going to work soaked to the bone isn't my idea of a great way to start the day.

Another option is that on Monday nights in Oakland there's a swing dance class. It would be about an hour or more of dancing. Jonathan already knows some steps and while I can't dance to save my life, I think learning would be fun and a class setting would be great. I wouldn't be able to bike to BART that day but I would be getting in 60 minutes of exercising.

Other options include: actually USING my membership to the Y (which is only a block away) and waking up early to do it, but I hate waking up early. I could do it right when I get home from work - just run upstairs and change my clothes and go, but there's the danger that I'd just sit down and won't get up. I know a lot of people run, but because of my leg that doesn't really help. I'd love to find a tai chi studio that I could connect with much like I did with the one back in Minneapolis (oh god do I miss that studio). I've looked into Yoga but the only class that I could take would be on Saturday mornings (which might not be a bad idea). I wish I didn't get home so late. Most classes in my area start at 6 but I don't get home until 7. Sad Panda.

What I'm really trying to do is erase the idea that exercising is for WEIGHT LOSS. I want to focus my mind to view this as a HEALTHY LIVING ACTIVITY. If weight loss happens, faboo, but I should really be thinking of how exercise will improve my heart, my mind, my emotions, my longevity, and that it will help me maintain a healthy body.

So really it looks like my options are to drag my ass out of bed earlier and make it work for me, but if I resent doing that, the less likely I am to do it on a regular basis.

Do you guys have any suggestions? Once again, I'm really trying to focus my mind on the health benefits of exercise, not just the weight loss option.

One of my old writing teachers once told us that people either want to hear about dreams or they don't. Odds are that they people to want you to tell them their dreams are really just waiting for a chance to tell you theirs. I write this as a disclaimer because I'm going to tell you my dream, or parts of it, only because it's kind of funny (well, the end result is).

Last night I dreamed that I was dating Nathan Fillion (of Firefly, Dr Horrible, and Castle fame). It was REALLY AWESOME. It wasn't sexual at all, we were just totally in love and it was totally and completely random (such as his strange obsession with my blow dryer. He really seemed to like it). I have no idea WHY I had this dream, or why Angelina Jolie was all cracked out and living with my friends Sarah and Sara in an apartment in New York where she was going to community college.

What I find funny though is this: every morning Jonathan gives me a kiss goodbye when he leaves (usually around 5:30/6:00am). Sometimes I'm coherent and other times it's clear I am not sharing his plane of existence. This morning as he rolled me over to kiss me goodbye, I told him "I was dreaming that I was dating Nathan Fillion. It was so awesome! I still love you but it was Nathan and it was awesome."

I have no idea why I needed to tell him I was dreaming about dating someone else, but I think he laughed.

At least I hoped he did.

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now. I'll put most of it behind an LJ cut to save the squeamish, but if you're a menstruating woman, especially if you use tampons, I think you should consider using menstrual cup, and here's why!
( Cut because not everybody wants to know about menstrual cups )

Just down the street from Salt House, literally one building away, is a nice open courtyard with some interesting art, a wall covered in foliage, and quite a few benches. Some of the benches are made from a granite like material that matches the decor, other benches are made from wood slats. In the mornings when the sun is still warm and rising, I like to sit out on the benches, read the paper, and relax before I get down to my basement and slave away for 8 hours, far away from the autumn sun.

I should note here that I have short legs. Many of you know this. One would think that, for a woman of 5'7" I would have legs to match. Sadly, this is so far from the truth it's insane. Even petite pants are too long for me at times. Most chairs are too tall for me so when I sit my legs feel stretched and uncomfortable. To remedy this, I normally sit, especially on park benches, with one leg tucked under. This allows my thighs to be more at a 90 degree angle and is more comfortable for me.

So yesterday I'm out sitting on the granite benches, one foot tucked under my leg. A nice gentleman comes out and tells me that they don't allow feet on the benches. I'm a little surprised by this but I move my feet off and sit awkwardly until it was time to get to work.

Today I figured that the rule applied to the granite benches (they're stone, they could be worried about marring or something) so I move to the wooden benches to enjoy my morning. Once again, one leg was tucked under and, once again, the nice guy comes up and tells me no feet on the benches. He said it would be okay if I put newspaper under my foot to protect the wood.

Protect the wood?

These benches, even the granite ones, are outside to the elements. I am wearing soft soled sneakers. Clean, soft soled shoes. Because I sit on my feet, I'm not going to sit one something that's dirty. I simply can't understand why I can't sit like this. It's comfortable for me, it's in a public area in the sun, My only option is to spread out some papers to cover my feet, but doesn't that seem a little odd to you?

Perhaps I'm just being snippy but come on. It's not just me, either. One of the hostesses from Anchor said she got warned the same way. For her, she likes to be able to put her feet up a bit after being on them for her whole shift.

What do you guys think? Am i over reacting? Are they over reacting? Should I bring a little napkin/table cloth to sit on while I'm on the benches?

I ride along the ohlone greenway every day from Bart. It's about a 8 minute ride but it's kind of full of hell.

To the dad with his little girl on the bike: Glad to see that she's wearing a helmet! BAD that she doesn't have a bike light! Even though it's twilight doesn't mean it's LIGHT!

To the runner with her headphones on: I always announce myself at that blind corner because even though I'm not speeding like a madman (I learned that lesson before) I am still a moving object. Perhaps you should turn your music down a bit or just be a bit more aware IF YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT'S BEHIND THE CORNER

To the guy on the motorized bike/scooter/whatever: I don't think you're ever supposed to be ON the bike path...regardless, if you are going to be on the bike path, RIDE ON THE CORRECT SIDE. Last thing I need is a dimly lit motorized object coming right at me.

To the lady walking her dog in the middle of the bike path: it's hard for me to tell you which side I'll be approaching on when you're taking up the whole path. I did announce that I was coming but you didn't move, at all. I finally picked the side your dog WASN'T on and you jumped six feet when I told you. "Why didn't you say something sooner?" I did, and I was not quiet about it, either.

I'm starting to think it's going to be better if I just take the actual roads and screw the bike path all together.

Jonathan took me to Monterey this weekend for my birthday.



Have I told you all how much I love this man?

( The rest of my day (picture heavy) )

I'm so glad this is on youtube because I doubt anybody would believe me if I told them about it without documented evidence.



It's just, you know, pretty damn awesome.

In exactly three weeks I'll be in Minnesota!

Pearl: clear your schedule for Weds (the 22nd) afternoon.

IT was a good weekend over here in the bay area. It was hot by Bay Area standards, but the rest of the US looks at us and goes "Oh REALLY? you want HOT!?!?" The sun was shining and the Marin Headlands were covered in yellow smog. I've gotten pretty good at judging the air quality by how far out to the bay I can see from my house. When even Angel Island is obstructed I know it's going to be a spare the air day.

Friday night after work I headed over to meet Jonathan at Anchor and Hope. We had our usual calamari and this time tried the salmon gravlax which was divine. I love stopping by Anchor on Friday nights, I really do. As much as I love Salty, Anchor is just a wonderful place to have a drink and some grub before we head out to see a movie. It's just relaxed and fun and for all you beer drinkers out there: starting July 8th they are going to have about A BILLION beers on tap and by the bottle.

After light meal we met Ben over at the Metreon to see Transformers. It was alright - nothing spectacular but big ass robots beating each other up and a plot line that was vague BUT WOULD NOT END. The annoying robot twins were annoying but Bumblebee was the best (same with the 1st movie).

Saturday I got Jonathan and early birthday gift of a GPS unit and we went down to Campbell to see David and Diana and Ben. We had a nice BBQ, enjoyed the weather, talked with good people, and got home at 1am.

At around 7:30 sunday morning I was debating on canceling out on Pride, but I knew Kevin would kill me and then piss on my dead body if I didn't go. We went, we had a great time, did NOT get sunburned, and Jonathan and I went to see THe Hangover after the parade. THe movie was okay, it was pretty funny and the photos at the end were pretty bad. I think if I had seen it right away I might have been more impressed, but I thought it was going to be a lot worse than what it actually was. So kind of a let down, maybe? I don't think it lived up to all its hype.

This week is going to be sloooooooow here in the city. Friday night, though, we're headed up to Davis for the 4th. Bike races, ice cream cranking, bbq, fireworks, hopefully folks from back home will stop by.

So I ended up flying over my handle bars and skidding on the asphalt today.

For the past few months I've been walking to and from Bart every day. Starting yesterday, I've been taking my bike. Even though it's the same path, when you bike it becomes different. You notice different things and what was a simple bend in the road becomes a hazard. Also - there's a very slight incline in the road. Going to Bart it's up hill, and enough to wind my poor, out of shape body. Coming home, it's down hill, and enough to turn me into a rampaging speed demon. These two things combined plus getting used to it all made for an interesting encounter today.

On my way home, not too far from the Bart station, I crossed the road going a bit too fast. There was a slight bend and the road was concealed by a bush. Behind that bush was a guy and we saw each other at the same time - too late, though, for me to slow down adequately. He jumped, I over corrected, slammed the handle bar into my right thigh, flew over the bike and skidded on the bike path. The guy was super nice and made sure I was okay and that my bike was fine, and a nice lady stopped to make sure I was okay too. I was just really apologetic because I know I was going too fast.

So I'm fine - got a bandaid on my palm and I can feel a nasty bruise growing on my thigh. I learned that I need to manage my speed better, especially when I can't see what's ahead of me. I'm VERY glad I didn't hit the pedestrian, and thankful he was so nice.

But - as my dad says - everybody falls. I'll be on the road tomorrow morning. This time, though, with my bike gloves on my hands!

Yesterday was one of those wonderful days filled with normalcy that probably would drive some of my friends absolutely nuts but made me stupidly happy. Perhaps this post is gratuitous in nature but after seeing Up last weekend and remembering what my mom told me, I'm trying to be better at writing things down. Mom told me that it's good to start now because years and years from now, Jonathan and I will be racking our brains, trying to remember when and where things happened. Even though yesterday wasn't important and nothing out of the ordinary happened, I think it's good to remember wonderful days.

We woke up late. And by late I mean 9:30. I decided to sleep in instead of going to Yoga, only because I haven't had a sleep in day for about two weeks. We took our time getting out of bed, mainly because we ended up having a huge tickle fight, complete with threats of being pushed off the bed and elbows in delicate areas (accidental! accidental!). We took our time getting dressed and checking our respective message boards and what not. By 11am we were ready to leave the house and go down to the farmers market.

If you travel north on San Pablo Ave, you excite Albany and enter El Cerrito. There's a big plaza there with a Trader Joes, PetCo, Joanne's, Lucky's, and a plethora of other shops. On Saturday they have a small but well stocked Farmers Market. Jonathan and I made our first look, then walked again. We bough beets, carrots, spinach, zucchini, plums, peaches (yellow and white), some amazing Indian food (mint salsa, okra, stuffed flat bread), a packet of fresh garlic fettucini, and a half pound of fresh prawns. We went to TJ's and picked up some flower, some cream, some eggs. I went to Luckys while Jonathan stood in line to pay and bought yeast, sugar, bread crumbs, and found a chocolate beverage we drank in Malaysia called "Milo."

Back at home with the grocs put away, Jonathan started his bread experiment. I shouted encouragements while I played Plants vs Zombies (curse you, popcap games! CUUUUUUURSE YOOOOOOU!). Jonathan created a very dense but very tasty loaf of whole wheat bread. He then started to make a kind of focaccia with herbs and cheese. While that was in the oven, I started to make our shrimp fettucini alfredo from scratch. It turned out well, but I put in too much parmesan. NExt time, next time.

Late at night we went down to the California in Berkeley - an old movie house that was once a grand vaudville theater. If I remember right, in the 20s they cut off the balcony to make two screens and in the 70s cut that into two more. We saw The Brothers Bloom and loved it all. I think it's what a Wes Anderson movie should have been but never got to be because Wes Anderson became too full of himself.

We came home, we fiddled on the internet, we went to bed. It was just a regular day but somehow, for some reason, as I walked through the farmers market, as we brainstormed what we could make from the things we found, I found myself being stupidly in love with JOnathan. It hit me like a flaming bag of bricks and made me euphoric and giddy.

So there - now I can remember yesterday, where we were, what we saw, what we did. Hopefully I'll remember how it made me feel, even though it wasn't adventerous and we didn't go far and we didn't meet anybody. It was just a beautiful summer day in the east bay and nothing happened.

Two years ago today (My mom's birthday and cinco de mayo), Kevin and I moved into our first apartment in San Francisco. We lived in Park Merced, neighbors to SFSU, situated in one of the most boring parts of town. Erik and Sara helped drive the truck down from Davis where Cousin David and Friend David helped us lug everything through the basement and up the one working elevator to the 6th floor. Our picture window in the living room overlooked the parking garage and the intersection of 19th and Junipero Serra. We could, and did many times, watch the fog roll in through the trees and down into the meager courtyard.

Park Merced was a different place. The tower was 12 floors and a mix of families, Russian immigrants, and students. Someone on one of the floors above us would constantly through things out of their windows down to the yard below. We found eggs, melons, candles and other small ballistics scattered on the pavement. Next door to use was an amazingly convenient and horribly over priced grocery store with a deli and vegetables of iffy quality. They sold beer and wine and kinder eggs. Somewhere I think we still have our collection of toys from those damn eggs.

Down and across the street from us, somewhere on the M line, was Diala Pizza. Kevin and I basically put their kids through college. It was a rare week that passed when we didn't order pizza from them at least once. It got to the point where, when walking home one night, the pizza delivery guy was driving out of Park Merced, saw me and waved. Kevin said he's had the same experience. More than anything, I miss that pizza.

Park Merced was a pretty good place to spend our first year an a half, even though we didn't get the typical san francisco life. It was far away from everything, even with the M Line right next to us. There were ferrel kittens running over the place. The fire alarms went off all the time. Two poor girls got stuck in the elevator on our floor during a black out and we talked to them from the hallway to keep them calm until the firemen came to get them out (they never did send us the fruitbasket they said they would!). There were the pot dealers who lived next to us, the band who loved above us, and about the four other people who we always saw either going or coming.

Albany has been a good move, but there are times where I miss our kitchen, our living room with the hardwood floors that were never sealed, the laundry room with six washers and driers, of which four usually only worked.

Here's to us Kevin - two years and we haven't succeeded in killing each other!

My friend Carolyn (chaos_ensues) is currently spending a semester abroad in Wales. She asked me if there was anything I wanted and I asked her for Dr Who Cookie Kit that I saw online a while ago.

Sure enough, in the mail today, I GOT THEM!!!



Carolyn, you SO ROCK!!

And I totally know what I'm doing this weekend. Pictures will follow.

I got off work early on Friday and headed back to the east bay where Jonathan picked me up at the bart station. We went home where we proceeded to get into a tickle fight. It was as if we were ten years old - I still have rug burn on my elbow. Winded from wrestling and laughing too hard, we found movie listings and headed over to Shattuck Theaters for a 5:45 showing of Crank 2.

Shattuck Theaters has two of theaters sponsored by the lovesac. The normal seats were all replaced with giant love seat couches with beanbags up at the very front. I was able to cuddle right up to Jonathan as we watched the most ridiculous action movie ever. Neither of us had seen the first Crank, but it didn't really matter all that much. It was exactly what the trailers made it out to be, mindless action.

Afterwards we went to dinner at the thai place right behind our apartment. Food was good and spicy. We picked up a copy of the first Crank and watched it at home. I think I liked the 2nd one better, but that's just me.

On Saturday I hoofed it over to the bart station to make it to work by 10. About a month and a half ago I started walking to the Bart station instead of just taking the bus to work. It costs the same amount but I get a good 30 minute walk and I usually do it again in the evenings. Work was slow but I had my crosswords so that kept me busy. I walked home and waited with Jonathan and Kevin for people to show up for movie night. We watched Starship Troopers and The Warriors. A fantastic mix aided by the 40s that most people were drinking. Jonathan fell asleep with his shoes on and Kevin handed me a sharpie. Perhaps that wasn't the wisest thing to do but eh, Jonathan laughed the next morning.

Sunday was a lazy lazy day. Jeff spent the night on our couch so I awoke to him, Kevin, and Jonathan watching King Corn in our living room. I took my weekly pictures of our garden and you can see the full set over here.
Here's my favorite shot:


So yeah, good weekend was had. Nice date night on Friday, great time with friends on Saturday, chill day with the roommates on Sunday. Now it's back in the grind at work.

1) Enrolled in Berkeley City College
2) Bought a fan for our living room and a food processor for the kitchen
3) Sweltered
4) Made enough meals for about a week and a half, now all sitting in the fridge
5) Cleaned out my bento boxes
6) Sweltered some more
7) Laundry

There's something awesome about trying a new recipe and having it be a big success instead of a horrible flop. Last night was awesome - I made my first ever frittata and it was OMG TASTY NOMS. Here's what I did:


Ingredients:
1/2 Tbs smart balance spread
1 Tbs McCormick Roasted Garlic blend
1 cup chopped red/green peppers
1/2 cup diced onion
2oz diced canadian bacon
1/4 cup Kraft 2% shredded cheese, mexican blend
1 cup Egg Beaters

Set oven to 350°

In a small skillet sprayed with pam, melt the smart balance and sauté the veggies until nice and soft. Add the canadian bacon and let it just cook for a little bit. Spread them out even over the bottom of the pan.

In a bowl, mix the cheese with the egg beaters. Pour this over the veggies and put in the oven for about 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, turn on your broiler and leave for 5 more minutes or until the top is golden, crispy and fluffy. Take pan out of oven, let cool for a bit. THEN EAT THE TASTY NOMS!

I use egg beaters because it's more diet friendly (same with the 2% cheese), but real eggs and real cheese I'm sure would be just fine.

Total time: Maybe 20 minutes?