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Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.


This time tomorrow I'll be in my hotel room in San Francisco, probably either passed out in the bed or too nervous to sleep. I'm almost to that stage right now. My skin is on fire and I'm on edge. What am I doing? What do I THINK I'm DOING? I don't know - I really, honestly don't know. Everybody else has crazy amounts of confidence in me. Where do they get it? Where do they find it? WHAT DO THEY SEE THAT I DON'T?

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe


I found peace this summer dancing on the loading dock of my building. I had confidence, a strange mix of endorphins and hope corsing through my system like a god given drug. In my mind I can see the sun on the buildings - my buildings - as they towered over the city - my city. This is what I'm leaving. This safety net of comfortable city blocks that I know and love. I am as much a city as any block of marble in the city hall down town or a cobble stone on main street down by St. Anthony's. And now I'm misplaced.

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open views inviting and inciting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
Million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe


I have this crazy feeling that I am going to be great, that I am going to be a voice for our generation, that I am going to change this world somehow. Touch it, mold it, give myself up for something wonderful. Build a foundation that do some good. Be a part of a movement. I have to do this - I don't know why. I can't sit here and do nothing, be nothing, let my life pile up like yellow sheets of typing paper in a box in the back of a closet. But I'm scared - I'm petrified - that I don't have it. That I'm just setting myself up for some big cosmic joke and as I build my hopes up I'm going to end up the punch line. But despite this, I keep doing what I'm doing. If I fall, it's going to be just as beautiful and brilliant as if I succeed.

Jai guru deva om
Nothing’s gonna change my world,
Nothing’s gonna change my world.


There are a few people whom I believe when they tell me that I can do this. For some reason, when they tell me that they know I can be great, I see the honesty in their words. It's pure - they aren't trying to be nice, they aren't being polite, they just simply see in me the part that I can't. If nothing else, if I can finally see in me what they see I know I will have accomplished something worth wild. I will have become greater than what I am now.

I'm going places, I'm doing things, I'm going to be wonderful.

I am diamond. See how I shine.

across the universe - rufus wainwright
 
 
 
 
 
 
this trip will probably change your life. Good luck, have fun, and don't forget that YOU ARE ON VACATION!
I am a leaf on the wind!

er...
hm.

Maybe don't say that one too loudly.
Good luck. I will be thinking of you today.
You're going to kick some ass, Miss Meg.