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Holy god - this morning is dragging along like it has cement shoes.

In fact, the weekday mofia has actually taken today and made it sleep with the fishies. Right now it's trying to jump it's way to shore along the riverbed, hoping that to make it before the air in its lungs runs out.

What the fuck am I talking about? Days of the week don't have lungs! They have mofias, that's a given, but lungs? That's just crazy talk (anybody remember the old far side cartoons where he would have different things "go sleep" with the corresponding element? Like the sandwich mafia putting the guy to sleep with the 4th graders? Anyone? Anyone?).

But really, honestly, it feels like I've been here much longer than 1 hour and 10 minutes. Because my office manager is gone I get to take over some of her roles. YOu think that would add to my add, but it really hasn't.

Well THAT was fun - we just got kicked off the system for about a half hour.

I've found that I've been in a slump lately. I'm in the middle of 3 books right now and I can't read any of them. I start, read a few pages, them put it down. I have issues with communicating with people. I sign onto AIM only to leave a few seconds later because I really don't want to talk to anybody. Not that I'm all "oh god - I don't want to talk to THEM" but really, I have nothing to say and the act of going through the motions and typing something seems trivial to me.

The only thing I HAVE been communicating through has been LiveJournal, and I don't know why that is, other than I find typing soothing. Perhaps this means I need to start writing again, really writing. I don't think I'll make my new years resolution of getting something published this year - but I have to say, I've made a good attempt at it.

But now I think it's time for me to start writing again. Really writing. I've always felt that Autumn is the season of writers. The atmopshere, the elements, the beauty all around. All that beauty, the swan song of the year is just preparing us for the cold winter months. And isn't that what writers do? Prepare us for the hard times ahead? Give us something to read, to enjoy, to think about or to escape?

My fingers itch again for something to write about.

More and more I realise that something in my life has to happen. I am not reaching my full potential. I need something to happen. But the more I realise this, the more I realise that *I* have to be the one to make it happen.

This fall might be the push I need to get into that. Already September has seen me change my eating habits into something more healthy and manageble. I feel more confidant that I can actually start something and stick to it. I just don't know what it is I want to start.

I took that online "which tarot card are you" quiz and got that Fool. At first I was offended, but the more I think about it, the more it seems to fit. I stumble head first into matters, not looking at where my feet are going, nieve to the consequnces at first, but then ready to face them when they do come.

Perhaps I am a blind optimist. OF course, it also says the fool is God. I can live with that.

Something that I want to get more involved in this fall is the city itself. I love Minneapolis, I really do. But there is so much of it I still don't know. I hope to dedicate some part of my weekends just to go and walk about the city. Catch a bus to somewhere and walk around.

I don't fit into any catagory. I'm not geeky enough to be a geek, not enough fanatic to be in the scifi/fantasy world, don't game enough to be a gamer, not all that into the occult or the music scene. I have a little bit of everything in me, but not enough to be accepted by any sub catagory. I don't know, maybe it's the lack of dedication I have or maybe it's that I don't feel the need to be a part of any one group. And I am alright with this. So I figure, the only thing I can do is get involved with myself and my surroundings. I fear that people think I know less than I do - and maybe I present that as I go stumbling through life unworried about the situations, knowing only that I'm going to go through it.

So yes - I want to know more about Minneapolis, and I want to find it on my own. I know where a lot of these places are, but I never go to them for some odd reason. Before it's because I didn't feel comfortable going alone, but now I do. Now I just want to be alone with my city.

Oh - on good news front: I think I might be able to take a vacation in february and go back out west for a week. That is - if I am allowed to leave work for that long. But I haven't been back to davis in over a year and it would be nice to see people. But every time I go, i feel like I'm just going back to how I was in highschool, because that's all they remember me as. It's difficult for sure.

Anyways, this has rambled on long enough. I have some emails I need to send out and things i need to file.

Ah, but to be able to just ramble off and on for the past 2 hours has made all the difference in my day...
So i would just like to say that Farside ROCKS like none other and i love it to death. Also, i think you are right, you definitely neeeeeed to write. It sounds like your subconcious is telling you this or something.

Oh, and i was thinking about that whole catogories thing. Our society has an obsession with catagorizing everything around us, and i think it is WAY better not to fit into any catogory:)
I think the catagories fall into something that [Unknown LJ tag] and had talked about. I'm probably going to basterdize this horribly, and maybe he'll jump in to help (or we can discuss it when we kidnap you eventually) but we're coming from an era in society that is all about "isms".

IT's where you latch onto an idea or philosphy that you feel reflects part of you (this was discussed a bit in the whole furry entry a few posts back). These subculters of today have become "isms" of sorts. Ways to live your life by surrounding yourself with people who you feel are into the same things you are. THe core is the ism, followed by how it affects you.

Think about it: To fully a hipster, or a goth, or emo or anything like that you have to fully become a part of that community. That community affets who you are and how you behave - even the ones that strive against conformity are really gathering the same type of people.

THis makes people feel safe, it makes them feel connected with out having to try so hard. But how real is it?

The next phase we are moving into is one where the core is YOU. How you affect yourself, the world around you, the people around you. Finding a group to belong to is not as important as finding situations that work better for you.

I feel that I have been in this mind set for quite sometime now. For me, it's like being on the outskirts of everything. IT's harder, but I am finding out more about myself that I feel I would if I tried to dedicate myself to just one group.

Really - there's nothing wrong with either options, but I think that to really focus on yourself provides greater insight that first focusing on your ism, then yourself.

Good god did I ramble right there...you're right, I totally need to write more :)
that should be captainhandsom as the LJ person I was refering to. Lets's try it again...captainhandsom

In order to keep the explaination short, I require the ability to diagram.
Not only is the Fool how you described him, but in the Major Arcade, he is the symbol of starting a journey. He is the first card in the line-up. You truly are starting a journey of sorts. You're getting your feet and finding out where you want to go and how you'll get there. It's a very positive place to be.

You're right, there's not reason to be offended/upset by being represented by The Fool card.
See, and I know my major arcana pretty well, but the overlying theme for the fool has always been one of niivity or however that word is spelled. Going forth without looking ahead. While he does symolize the start of the journy, he also not paying atnetion to where he is going.