March 13th, 2003

Dr. Bunny

You know, I think it's gonna be alright

You know, sometimes all you need to do is dye your hair.

I've been feeling horribly lethargic lately. Slow, tired, unmotivated. The whole week has been nothing but a long painful trip. I've been dealing with alot of anxiety about what I'm going to be doing in less than two months; where I'm going to live, what I'm going to do, how I'm going to get there. It's a lot to handle. I've thought about going through the week hidden under my blanket. I would go to class and stuff, I would just be huddled underneith my down comforter. If startled, I would just pull it tighter around myself and huddle into a small ball. It's like being a hermit crab, only instead of a shell, a security blanket. I call it being a social anxiety crab.

Today I only had one class, so after german I came home and crashed like a rock. I vaugly remember Joshie calling me and wanting to hang out, but all I wanted to do was sleep. I did wake up this afternoon, but only went out for dinner. I got home feel more lugubrious than I had all day. I made up my mind then to do what I did last year.

I went to shopko and bought hair dye.

I also bought some body wash and some lotion. Both of them have a very soft sent to them, not too strong, but smelling faintly of the Spring. It gives me hope.

So now my hair is vaugly red (the dye really didn't take so I'm probably gonna dye it again), my skin is soft and smooth, and I have the faint smell of flowers.

I'm still a bit depressed. It's been a hard week emotionally, and I'm not to sure why. I am very thankful for everybody who's listened to me this week. I know I can be a lot to handle at times, so thank you every body. I am looking forward to my week at home. Green grass, blooming flowers, sun, rain, and the feeling of spring. I hopefully will get alot of writing done and revise at least one of my short stories.

And, like always, GREEN BY APRIL!
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