March 22nd, 2003

Dr. Bunny

Two short scenes that need expanding and have nothing to do with each other

...I work at the north gate enterance at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It's reserved for people who have memberships or pre bought tickets. It's a good job, and I like working here. Everytime I watch Star Trek IV, a Journey Home, I point at the tv and shout "That's where I work! I've been there!" Also, it gives me a chance to inform everybody in the room that the Monterey Bay Aquarium never has and probably never will house a whale. They are just too big for our facilities. But it never fails; people come in and expect that we have whales. Take today for example:
Random lady: What time is your dolphin show?
Me: We don't have dolphins.
Random lady: Oh, well you have a whale, right?
Me: (after a brief pause) Actually yes. Somewhere in this aquarium we have hidden a whale. But it's a game you see, no one is allowed to tell you where it is. In fact, some of the docents will flat out DENY that we even have one. But you can't trust them, they tell lies, LIES! But if you're cleaver enough, I'm sure you'll find it.
Random lady: Okay, and what time do you feed it?


...in the name of Science, John decided to hold a small experiment. For a week he stopped using deoderant. He still showered and washed his clothes, he simply just let his natural pheromones (in Elephants it's called "musk") build up over time. Before he left the house each day, he would do some strenous exersize to build up some nice sweat. John would purpously walk through malls, even daring to walk past the dreaded Victoria's Secrets to see if he would have any effect on women. Sadly, it was not enough.
So in a drastic measure he started hanging out in libraries, near the romance novel section. Once there he would adopt a french accent and the psuedonym of Avenel, Bronze, or possibly Slate. Stumbling over english words and mumbling something that sounds a little bit french (like the women there would actually know the language), he would ask the nearest woman for help, saying that he didn't know the language very well. It was his hope that the combination of desperate women + natural pheromones + a french accent and name straight from a romance novel that he could woo these women.
Surpisingly, it worked.
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