September 9th, 2003

Dr. Bunny

Oh if life were made of moments...

Even now and then a sad one....

Just came back from watching Camp at the Lagoon. Wonderful movie, well....okay, the plot was totally lacking, but the music, OH the music! I have always been a fan of musical theater. I wish that I had the talent nessicary to actually be GOOD at it, instead of just singing showtunes in the shower or just randomly (explination of my LJ name: Fantom is my Electric Company name given to me because I would randomly burst out into bouts of broadway show tunes. True story!). I grew up watching musicals, both on stage on TV. My dad is a musical fanatic, so's my whole family. I find showtunes actually speak to me....

Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me,
And anyone can hurt me
And they do

That was from Evita the first real broadway show I saw when I was in the 6th grade. If I could be in only one musical in all my life, Evita would be it. The song "Another Suitcase in Another Hall" became my theme song for most of my life. Along with "On My Own" from Les Mis

On my own, pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning.
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
and he has found me

Talking to Ed Benoit at the party this weekend, singing showtunes, he mentioned how sad this song was, that she's singing about a guy who has no frikken clue she exists. I told him it was my song and he said how sorry he was. I think he realizes that I get overlooked a lot of the time. He himself overlooked me when we were in college together. It was awfully weird to have him cuddling with me during the party. Aparently it takes booze for guys to see me as attractive. Silly college aged boys. Odie says it's because they're more honest when they're drunk. I'm not sure.

I find, however, that as I grow older, the songs of longing and dispair that I listened to and memorized when I was in high school and early college have changed to songs more of acceptance, more of understanding life for what it is and dealing with it in a positive way. Like "Moments in the Woods" from Into The Woods. When drunk boys hit on me, I should enjoy it for what it is and move on and be happy. In a way, that's kinda how I feel about Nick. It's not good, it's not bad, spending time with him is just a moment...

Was that me? Yes it was. Was that him? No it wasn't..
Just a trick of the woods!
Just a moment,
One peculiar passing moment.
Must it all be either less or more,
Either plain or grand?
Is it always 'or'?
Is it never 'and'?
That's what woods are for:
For those moments in the woods...
Oh, if life were made of moments,
Even now and then a bad one--!
But if life were only moments,
Then you'd never know you had one.
First a witch, then a child, then a Prince, then a moment--
Who can live in the woods?
And to get what you wish, only just for a moment--
These are dangerous woods..
Let the moment go..
Don't forget it for a moment, though.
Just remembering you had an 'and,' when you're back to 'or,'
Makes the 'or' mean more than is did before.
Now I understand--
And it's time to leave the woods.
  • Current Music
    many many broadway showtunes running through my head