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Smokey has actually not been put to sleep - we've had some good news.

Monday night when mom called the vets to see when they could come over and put Smokey down, the vets told mom about one last ditch effort. They would pump Smokey full of steriods in hopes that they might work to counteract the tumor. Mom and dad decided it was worth a shot - at least it meant that Smokey could come home.

So Smokey came home Monday night and ate some food! Tuesday she was not doing so well and retreated to under my parents bed. Today they took her into the UCD Vet school where the doctors checked her out hard core. She will stay over night where some tests will be run. For the most part, Smokey is a COMPLETELY healthy cat, except for whatever it is behind her eye. It may be a tumor, it may just be a swelling of some sort. But whatever it is, the doctors feel that that is the only thing that is causing her problems. If it wasn't for that, she would be fine.

So if the tests come back and if it is possible to operate, they will go in and remove whatever it is behind her eye. Also, they will remove her affected eye and sew the lids shut. She will have to be hand fed for about 5 days, but she should start to eat after that.

I am worried that in some ways that this is just prolonging the inevatble, however, the Vet says that Smokey should have many more years of healthy, active kitty life left - with the only thing being she will have a permament wink.

I am so relieved because this means that I will have time with her, whenever it is that I can go home.

So in the next few days, please keep Smokey in your thoughts. If all goes well, she should be fine.

Thank you EVERYBODY for sharing your kind words and your wonderful stories of your own pets. Animals are very important and I thank you for sharing with me.
Maybe Minnesota nice has been rubbing off on me, I don't know.

Over the past few months there have been some posts on my friends pages where everybody else agrees with them and I sit there thinking "get OVER yourselves." But I don't do anything about it. There once was a time where I would have no issue saying that to a person and would be ready to debate about it. I felt confident in my opinions. I was ready to voice my thoughts. Now I don't.

Maybe I'm just growing up or some shit like that. Maybe I'm "maturing" and I don't feel the need to correct people. But holy god, there have been some pretty self rightious posts and I've just been "you know what, no - I just don't care." But I do - it eats away at me. Like, how can I let these people go on thinking like that. Do they HEAR what they are saying? Actually hear it? And then everybody else is like "OMG - you said what I've been thinking for like, EONS" or "You're so right, my god you're so right." Everybody is giving these great, glowing remarks and I sit there, fingers itching to be all "dude, you're wrong. Get off your high fucking horse." But I don't.

I don't know if it's because I'm too polite to make a comment like that on someone's personal space (but I wouldn't have a problem saying it to them in person) or if I just don't want the backlash. Either way what's eating at me is the fact that I care that I don't care. I'm one big walking hypocrite or somthing like that.

Oh, and this post isn't meant to be cryptic or shit like that. I don't want anybody getting mad at me or start being all "what, bitch has a problem with my views? Why don't bitch come out and SAY those problems, huh? huh?" And that's just the whole thing - I don't want to discuss this shit on your guys journals. If you said it to me in person, that'd be different. And don't get me wrong, I love reading my friends list - it keeps me occupied during the slow time at work and I know that if I had a major issue with any of this crap I could just defriend people (omg - it's such social no-no to do that! But I'm sure most of you have your own filtered friends list - it's a way for you to read those who you want but not others and it solves the unsighty business of deleteing someone.).

I'm just wondering where the fuck my spine went.