Megmander (fantom07) wrote,

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On Legs and Other Demons

"Okay," said God. "It's about five months until your unveiling, but I wanted to show you the blue prints."
"Cool!" said the little ball of glowing light that would eventually be known as Margaret.
"I just want to point out the eyes - see how green they are? Beautiful. And your lips - your lips will be the envy of most women. I've used the design once before and I think she's going to be big."
"oooooo" said the little soul, glowing a bit brighter.
"Your collar bones are fabulous and I've made sure your immune system is in tip top shape. Your completion will be near flawless if you keep it clean. I have to say, this is one of my better designs." God was smug. "What do you think?"
Margaret hovered over the design happily.
"I only have one suggestion," she said.
"Yeah - those dangly things at the bottom. Do I need them?"
"You mean legs?"
"Yeah, leg. I don't really need them, do I?"
"Yes," said God. "Yes you do."
"Really? 'Cause I was thinking maybe not. I mean, they just get in the way and look a little weird. Couldn't you give me something else? Wings maybe?"
"No," said God. "You need legs."
"Naaah," said Margaret. "I'm cool with out them."
"No, seriously, I know what I'm doing and you need legs."
"I'll take one."
"Okay, one and a half, but that's my final offer. Otherwise, I'm pulling out of the project."
God sighed. "Fine, one and a half. But you're going to regret it."
"Naaah, I'm cool."

Last night I started my new job at the coffee store. I made sure to wear my brace because I know how my ankle gets after 8 hours of standing. However, I worked a summer at both a bar and grill and a movie theater. I was sure I could handle this...eventually. What I was worried about, though, was that this past year and a half, my right ankle has been seriously acting up. If I did too much, the pain in the morning would be extreme, but fade eventually. I wasn't too worried.

Last night, as I went to beg, sharp pain started shooting up my leg up to my knee. This is new, and not at all pleasant I thought as I focused on going to sleep. Eventually, after shifting my position many times, I fell asleep. I awoke to go to Tubs and got out of bed, only to almost completely collapse on the floor. Shit.

The pain was still up to my knee. So I called into Tubs, and told them I was going to get it checked out. I went to urgent care where the guy looked at my leg, heard my story and history, and said "well, there's nothing I can do. Here's some codene and we'll make you an appointment to see the podatrist in.......................3 weeks. In the meantime. Don't walk. Like, ever. And that coffee shop job? Nope. Bye!"

As I sat in the pharmacy waiting for my drugs, I started to cry. Just a bit. I was frustrated. Mainly because I know this is getting worse and it's not something that is just going to go away. Even with the stretches I've been doing since December and Tai Chi since January, it still isn't better. Should I have another surgery or more therapy, my leg is still going to be smaller, the foot will be smaller, the nerves that never were aren't going to magically appear.

I made it to my car before I lost it. For about five minutes I sat and sobbed in my truck. It's frustrating and scary. I don't know what the doctor is going to tell me and I don't know how this is going to effect the rest of my life. I already know how it has affected me already, I know what I can and can't do, but I don't want the can'ts to grow any more.

I wiped my eyes and looked in the rearview mirror.
Wow. God really did do a great job on my eyes.
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