Megmander (fantom07) wrote,

The State of Meg

In college, we had to read about people shown pictures of gum disease. These were photographs of rotten gums and crooked stained teeth, and the idea was to see how these images would affect the way people cared for their own teeth.
One group was shown mouths only a little rotten. The second group was shown moderately rotten gums. The third group was shown horrible blackened mouths, the gums peeled down, soft and bleeding, the teeth turned brown or missing.
The first study group, they took care of their teeth the same as they always had. The second group, they brushed and flossed a little more. The third group, they just gave up. They stopped brushing and flossing and just waited for their teeth to turn black.
"This effect the study called "narcotization."
When the problem looks too big, when we're shown too much reality, we tend to shut down. We become resigned. We fail to take any action because disaster seems so inevitable. We're trapped. This is narcotization.
- Chuck Palahniuk, "Dear Mr. Levin"

Today after work I called The Midwest Center for Weight Control. I am going to their free informational session on Thursday evening.

As some of you know, my parents went on a very monitored and controlled liquid diet starting in January. When I saw them earlier this month, I was amazed at the weight they had lost and how energenic and happy they were. They were the slimmest I had ever seen and also the happiest I had ever seen (of course, their eldest boy getting married might have helped with that). Over the past 6 months, Mom had emailed us explaining what was going on and what they were doing. At the wedding, she told me more about the science of her body and what the fast was doing. I was amazed and inspired by their success of each losing somewhere around 70lbs. When I got back, I started looking for similar programs here in the cities.

I think we can all agree that I am fat. This is not me fishing for compliments or anything, but a statement of fact. In truth - I am obese, and probably have been for half of my life. I have never been a skinny person. It is safe to say that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I have an unhealthy lifestyle. I need to reboot my system. For the longest time I just resigned myself to be fat. When you are as overweight as I am, it's hard to stay motivated to loose weight. It becomes daunting, frustrating, and it's so easy just to resign and stay fat. In short - narcotization. Thanks to Chuck, I understand why I haven't been successful. After talking to my parents, they shared the same feelings that I have.

The program I am looking at is very monitored and very controlled. It's not just "drink this shake and don't eat" but has doctor visits and classes. I will learn more about this at the meeting on Thursday. I wouldn't be starting this program until September if I choose that this is right for me.

So why tell all you about this? I just want you to be in the know. I will be writing more about this, especially if I choose to join this program. The reaction to something so drastic usually makes people worried, concered, apprehensive, and also skeptical. As my friends, I want you to know that I am safe. If you have any concerns, please voice them now. Your questions might not be ones I have thought of, and I can ask them at the session on Thursday. Of course, this is also a HUGE step in my life, a big change in who I am, and I would appreciate more support than anything distructive or condesending. Just keep that in mind before replying. This isn't easy for me.

Posts about the program and my progress will be filtered to those who would like to be in the know. Comment if you would like to stay in touch on this subject.

I am nervous, I am worried, but I am also frustrated with being obese. I don't want to be skinny, but I don't want to be fat anymore.
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