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The Very Secret Diary of Jack Sparrow

Day One:
Sailed into port, boat sank.
Saved Smarmy Wench, got to rip off bodice.
Hers, not mine.
Did not even smear eyeliner.
Still not captain.

Day Two:
Stuck in jail.
Commodore must have been intimidated by my eyeliner.
Ran into Bootstrap's boy. Very pretty. But not as pretty as his dad.
Hmm, port seems to be under attack by cursed pirates.
Still not captain.

Day Three:
In Tortuga with pretty boy. Was slapped by a couple of wenches.
Must have been jealous of my eyeliner.
Feeling very savvy.
Still not captain yet.

Day Four:
Caught up to Black Pearl
My god, WHAT THE HELL HAVE THEY DONE TO MY SHIP????
Is in total need of make over.
Thinking of signing up for "trading spaces"
Moon is still full. Does it not have any other phases?

Day Five:
Ran into Barbossa.
Needs eyeliner more than I.
Damn cursed pirates won't give me back my ship.
I wanna be Captain!

Day Six:
What a day.
Pretty Boy can't do a damn thing.
Smarmy Wench only making things worse.
All my rum, burned.
I have to do all the hard work.
Her Royal Navy is made up by a bunch of wankers.
Eyeliner nowhere to be found.
And I'm still not captain dammit!

Day Seven:
Curse reversed.
Smarmy Wench saved.
Pretty boy accepted fact that he is pirate.
Going to be hung.
Damn.

Day Eight:
Pretty boy saved me from hanging.
Stuffy commodore let me go.
NOW THE CAPTAIN!
 
 
 
 
 
 
LOL OMG that is hilarious. I love you so much and want to have your love child.