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I know that I've seen better days

It's an on going pattern with me: when I'm stressed or depressed or troubled, I write more. A LOT more. As you can see by the influx of posts the last few days - this has not been a very good week for me.

I'm still feeling...."okay"....in the sense that I don't want to throw myself off of any building or (worse in my opinion) have a relapse on my diet and gorge myself on fast food sandwiches I see advertised on TV (those damn Quiznos ads will be the death of me). In fact - it seems like my diet is the only GOOD constant thing in my life right now. Steadily losing weight is good for me, and I am finally starting to actually SEE the changes in my body (most noticeably - my boobs look more proportioned to my body).

But I am stressed. Maybe it's the end of the year, or the fact my finances could be a hell of a lot better, or that my future will soon be determined by people I may never meet, or that being late on Monday has cost me my job and that I will be jobless by the start of the year, I'm not sure. However - I keep plugging away at everything. My house is amazingly clean and I am sorting through my laundry, getting rid of any piece of clothing I can no longer wear due to the fact that they fall off my diminishing hips (I'm losing my ghetto booty. Sad, but true). I feel good getting rid of the clothes because I NEVER want to wear anything that size AGAIN.

My body keeps pushing me to move and be motivated and active - cleaning and de-cluttering and preparing for the holidays. But it's 47 degrees outside and my mind wants to curl up in the fetal position under the covers and cry and eat a pint of Carmel Sutra by Ben and Jerry.

I know that's not a good option.

So - instead - I write, and I abuse the dash and scoff at grammar, only forcing myself to pay attention to spelling. I work on sorting through my writings to find something suitable to submit to New College. I pick up anything on the floor and organize my bookshelves. I find something that I know I can control because there is A LOT that I feel that I can't.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, fantom07 sent to me...
Twelve zombies drumming
Eleven x-files piping
Ten bodices a-leaping
Nine accents reading
Eight pantoums a-lightning
Seven squids a-writing
Six movies a-driving
Five scre-e-e-ewball comedies
Four used books
Three connie willis
Two keller williams
...and a thunder in a sluggy.
Get your own Twelve Days:
Oh, man. Losing your job sucks. The good news is January is a good time to get hired. So if you have your job through the end of the year, you're past the worst of it.
That was me by the way.
Well, I don't know for sure if I HAVE lost it or not. I was warned back in June that I couldn't be late anymore and this is my first occurance since - on a monday where I was to be the first person in at 7am. DOes not bode well. But who knows. Maybe I haven''t lost it. But I am preparing myself if I have.
Losing your job really does suck -- but at the very least, it will help with your diet, right? Anyway, yeah, I can only say that January is also a great time to get hired. Good luck with that.

I agree; nothing motivates writing like depression. Sometimes that's the only reason to write; I read an article once suggesting that human beings developed an imagination because it helped us get through pain. Not sure about the scientific accuracy of that article, but who knows?

At the same time, congratulations on having so much success in that way, and also for reaching 1000 entries. When are we going to get an update on your loss?
I should have been more clearer - I don't know IF I have lost the job, but by being late I may have. It's a very good possibility and I am preparing myself for the worse.

Weight loss update will be in just a few hours or so