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What I want
1) To be more active physically. I got my membership to the YWCA today and I hope that by starting easy with maybe a half hour or so 3 times a week I can progress to more and feel better about my physical body. Already I am finding that I am more agile and I want to become ever MORE so. Maybe pilates is in my future. We shall see.

2) To be in balance with my body and my eating. I don't think that my obesity came from an eating DISORDER, but rather an eating UNBALANCE. I was indulgent and lazy and didn't THINK about what I was putting into my body, only that I enjoyed eating and enjoyed the taste. I want to become more mindful of what I'm doing.

3) To achieve a weight level that I am happy with, healthy with, and can maintain for the rest of my life and accept any weight fluctuations that happen because hey - let's face it - weight gain happens, but weight loss also happens. I want to be comfortable in my body.

What I DON'T want
1) To hate or resent food. Food is not the reason why I became obese. Okay, well yes it is - HOWEVER - food is not the enemy. I don't want to feel bad if I splurge and have something horribly fatty. It's okay - I won't gain all my weight back because of it and I know as long as I don't make it a habit, it'll be okay. I just need to balance. I don't want feel guilty for enjoying my food. I don't want people looking over my shoulder saying "you ate THAT? Wow..." in a self righteous air of "my diet is better than yours."

2) To let food hold dominion over me. My life should not be my diet- my diet should not dictate my life. It should be a balance in which I know what I'm eating but allow myself to bend the rules and enjoy life not as a set of instructions of what I can and cannot eat followed by penance if I break those rules. It should be in almost a symbiotic relationship that I can maintain without freaking out.

3) To be thought as a "sell-out" because I am resigning my fat girl card. I know this sounds crazy and probably paranoid - but there's some reason behind it.

Recently there has been a surge of "FAT IS GOOD!" which is totally okay. People should not be judged just because they are fat. It doesn't mean a person is lazy or has no self control. Some people exercise and eat right but just maintain their weight. There's lots of reasons why - some people are natural "savers." Their bodies save calories "just in case" resulting in the person feeling more hungry. It's not right to treat over weight people differently just because they don't look like everybody else.

But for some reason I feel like if I wanted to lose weight, to be at a healthy size, not super skinny but just healthy - normal, somehow I'm turning my back on this whole movement. But the thing is...I just don't want to BE fat anymore. It's not like I'm telling everybody who is fat that they are bad bad people, but just that I know what I want to do and I know that being overweight prevented me from doing that.

Like I said - I know it sounds like I'm being paranoid but it is a lingering fear. I mean, no one has ever TOLD me "omg how could you!?!?!?" but there's something weird about it all.

And in turn - as I lose this weight I don't want people to laud me for "ditching the fat girl" and "becoming one of us healthy folk." Weight gain and weight loss is not about "us vs them," it's a personal choice. I'm not becoming a skinny person because the grass is greener over there, and I'm not losing the weight because "omg oppression." I'm losing my weight because I just want to BE HEALTHIER. And like, live to be 80 or so. It would be nice.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I really think the fat acceptance movement's message should be "end fat discrimination" rather than "FAT IS GOOD!" The participants on the fringe who claim that being fat isn't unhealthy and even intimidate doctors who speak the truth should be purged from the group.

I can't support any movement that obscures the truth.
IT's true - being very overweight or obese is NOT healthy and is NOT good. Being marginally overweight is harder to pin-point because it's hard to say who is REALLY over weight because of body types/make up, etc. Being very overweight or obese is not a healthy, maintainable state for anybody. Granted - they should not be made fun of or treated as if they have some horrible illness - but I think that embracing obesity as a "life style choice" is almost as bad as being "pro-ana".

However - "pro-ana" gets all the attention because we want to save the pretty people.

Now, I may be reading the fat acceptance movement incorrectly and none of this could be true, but there is something about it that unsettles me a bit and I would hate to have my own personal opinion taken as "this is the god's honest truth!" It is subject to change depending on information gathered.