Megmander (fantom07) wrote,

flying solo

I feel abandoned and betrayed.

For seven months to the day I have been working on this diet. It hasn't been easy. At OTC, the program my parents are in and that I will be joining, they have a full staff of doctors, behaviorists, nutritionists and group therapy is mandatory. I've been doing this on my own, but not completely on my own. My parents have been super helpful with all kinds of suggestions. My coworkers and friends have been totally supportive. But it was my visits to Dr. Carol's and the staff that really help me through, knowing that I was being monitored and cared for, and they were always supportive and have seen every 95 lbs of my body drop off.

That was until today.

Today I got a voice mail from Barb who said that I was scheduled for an appointment for tomorrow, HOWEVER - the office will be completely closed until April 18th when Dr. Carol comes back.

I should explain that for about the past six weeks I have been seeing the nurse practitioner who was standing in for Dr. Carol because Dr. Carol went on vacation. This only became a problem once when the office was closed and I had no food. But I was understanding and was able to get food. Barb, however, did not really seem to understand WHY I need my supplements. And I'll explain that in a bit.

So I called Barb back on the number she left me and she confirmed that the office will be closed. I asked if there was anyway - she cut me off before I could finish, said she was busy with her father and only called the patients to be polite and hung up. I should note that I was VERY polite when I called and used my best customer service voice. It didn't help.

The wave of panic that hit me was extreme. I went to Rachael after the calls were out of queue (I managed to hold myself together until then) and she calmed me down a bit. She helped me talk through my options and ways to figure things out.

So I called Dad. Parents are sending me about a week and a half of supplement while they talk with OTC to figure out the best way to proceed. I have a week's worth of supplement here at the house, so I'm not in dire straights. But this is NOT a diet that should be done unmonitored. In fact, once I am realimented back to food I will not be allowed to buy more than 2 boxes of supplement a week because they do NOT want me to fast with out being monitored. Why? Well, medically speaking I am walking a fine line with my body. With constant monitoring, frequent blood tests and weekly visits, doctors could see if something was going wrong and make sure I stopped and was treated. So now I'm going to be doing this two weeks with out monitoring. It's a little nerve wracking.

Also - it IS important that I get my supplement. I can't just start eating real food again. I need to ease my body back into real food and I need to know WHAT foods I can eat right now and also how to keep good and healthy food habits.

So, in the most basic of terms, Dr. Carol's office has endangered my health.

They've also left me without my weekly checkups and the feeling that someone in this city was watching out for my health and wellbeing and actually cared.

I'm tired right now. I'm going to make my pudding and go to bed soon. ugh.
Tags: health, my life is falling apart, new direction, weight loss
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