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So I'm working on a new thing for my workshop class. I wrote the first chapter and I'm feeling good about it but I still need some work on it. I'd like to have a few drafts of it under my belt before I turn it in in a few weeks.

So who wants first crack at my chapter? And this isn't just reading for fun, this is reading for critique. Specifically, what I'm looking for is:

Do I have enough details? I've been having trouble writing concrete images but I also have trouble realizing that I have missed said details.

Does this chapter have a beginning, middle, and end? Does it tell a story in a way that makes you want to know the overall story?

What is missing? I've been getting a lot of feed back from my cohorts that details are missing that make them feel cheated. Help me out with that?

Anybody want to take a stab at this? I need to work on the second chapter while this one cools, but I want to know what to do with it when I get back to it. Leave me a note and I'll email you what I have.
I'd totally like to read it. Don't know how good my critiquing skills are, but what the hey.
I've long acknowledged that I rather suck at critical feedback, but if you would like me to give it an attempt you can send it my way.
me! ooh ooh pick me! *streches arm above head waving frantically*