You know, right where her hard drive lives.
2) There's a survival mechanism in my brain that clicked in the moment she fell. It took a while for my neural circuits to move over to the back up generator, but basically, the survival part of my brain said "No, you're not going to panic about what just happened. You are not going to think about the fact that there is a good possibility that all your data has been lost and next weekend is the weekend all papers are due. Nope, you're going to go out and have a fantastic evening."
I'm pretty sure that this is the only reason why I didn't break down yesterday.
3) I had a WONDERFUL Friday night. I danced. I drank. I conversed with strangers. The people who I was with were as wonderful as my BIG boys and my EC girls. We laughed, we gyrated our bodies (or, in my case, flailed my limbs in what I hoped was rhythmic). My face hurt from how big my smile was as I was out on the dance floor, laughing with others, dancing with boys and girls, free from all worries. "Go back out there! Go back out there!" they called to me when I took my break. Our hoard of sexy geeks brought that party to that bar and we closed it down. The music pounded in my veins for the rest of the night. I was euphoric and really, it wasn't from the two long islands or the shot of jager I took. It was from the joy and exuberance that dancing brings. I haven't been that happy for quite a while.
Unlock my body and move myself to dance
In your warm liquid, flowing blowing glass
4) Saturday was spent trying to figure out a plan. My brother Tom had to be the bearer of bad news and tell me that yes, my hard drive was probably fucked. I started to shake when he told me this, my hand trembling as it held the phone to my ear. But the survival part of my brain was still on and it told me not to worry, that we would figure this all out.
Saturday was spent at Apple stores. Mom and Dad had discussed and they agreed that, no matter what, I had to leave Saturday with a computer that was working. Ideally, a computer that would have all my data from Zorya. I left the down town apple store at about 8:30 last night with a new MacBook 13 inch widescreen, and the only data that we really were able to save were my files from New College.
You know, the ones I need in order not to die in the next two weeks.
The geniuses at the bar were amazingly nice, never condescending, and helped me set up the new computer and get the files I needed. Hopefully this Christmas Tom and Dad can rescue more of my files from Zorya. My music and photos would be nice.
Lesson learned: BACK EVERYTHING UP.
5) So I have a new computer. His name is Spider Jerusalem. I came up with the reasoning while chatting with John last night:
Yes, you are manic, insane, absoluetly brilliant and you will help me write the truth before I go completely insane
Today will be spent recovering my poetry, which was the only file from New College that we were not able to save. However, that is the only file that most of my work is done on hard copies, so I think I'll be alright.
I don't know how to feel about this all. There is a sadness in losing something that was so important to me and the amazing waves of guilt I feel for being a complete and total bone headed moron for not backing my shit up. I feel like an idiot, a complete and total idiot for not saving my data like I knew I was supposed to. I'm trying hard to erase the images in my head of everybody looking down at me with disappointment and pity in their eyes saying "We thought you were smarter than that, Margaret. We really did."
But I can't be fully sad because the music is still in my body, moving me along, keeping my head above water. But the water is cold and the tide is strong and there's a lot of work to do.
Home entertainment system: Give me FIRE.