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Losing my job means slipping back into my natural nocturnal state. This is not good.


I tried to go to bed early last night seeing how I have a job interview today. I was feeling tired so I went to bed at 10pm, only to wake up at 2am bright eyed and bushy tailed. Efforts to go back to sleep proved useless. Now it's 5am and my interview is in 6 hours. My hope is to keep busy all day then crash like a rock tonight.

But yes - good news on the job front. I have an interview this morning with appleone, another tempish agency. Also, the gallup organization called me this week and hopefully will call me again next week for a phone interview. Kelly informed me yesterday that there is a front desk position open at common bond communities.

Smile
Like you’ve got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There’s always someone out there cooler than you


You know? It's been a month since I've been to Greebs and I don't care. This time last year I've already been back to school twice I believe, and I made monthly trips back there for the remainder of the summer. But now - I don't care. I mean, yeah I miss people out there but I don't rely on them as much as I did last year. I've grown into my own independence here in the cities with the friends I've made over the year. I feel better for it, but sad in a way, like when you know you've grown up and don't play with your old toys any more. I mean, you can, but it just doesn't have the same effect that it did. There's a sense of loss in that, but also a sense of...well...just knowing that you're growing up.

But really, there's so much going on here for me to look forward to. The Hite Family Picnic this sunday, Amy's party on the 4th, the A's are in town the first weekend of August, then my house warming on the 14th. I have so much to focus on here, and Greebs just doesn't offer me much in return. This isn't to say I'm never going back there again (there's EC dances, homecoming and of course my friends) but I'm not worried about it.

Besides, I know that if my friends miss me that much, they can come out here and visit me and other SNC alumni that are out here. It costs just as much for me to go out there that it does for you guys to come out here. 'Specially with gas prices the way they are.

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this


It's funny - sometimes I've forgotten what my friends really look like and sound like. I talk to them so much online that they have developed almost a different personality. The voice I hear in my head when I read their comments are not the voices I am familiar with. Getting a call from them is almost bizarre. I have to readjust my mental image of the person whom I am speaking with. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing or just a crazy thing I do. My friends have become voices in my head - reminders of times past. There is only so much you can do over IM, and it's hard to form lasting memories. But I'm glad I stay in touch with them all.

I don't know which is harder to take - the fact that I can survive without daily contact with some of my best friends from college, or that it seems so easy for them to get along with out me. Either way, it's humbling once you actually force yourself to pay attention to what's going on in the world.

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in


So I don't know where I'm going with this huge ass post. Some of it is just to keep me occupied while I count down the minutes until my interview. I needed some personal reflection time and I guess that a quarter to 6 in the morning is the best time to do that. So much has happened to me in the past year, so much I've accomplished and yet if I look at it I've moved so very little. To some I've done nothing, to myself I've accomplished some things but not the main ones. But I'm getting there. I'm settling comfortably.

I'm wondering if I'm rushing through my life. Sometimes it feels like I have to get so much accomplished NOW that I can't just relax and let life wash over me. If I stand still I'll die so I rush through the experiences of life hoping that at some point it'll end and I'll have won something, like a door prize. It's a pretty shitty way to go through life, and I don't always feel like I am, but it's dizzying.

If I threw my guitar
out the window so far down
Would I start to regret it?
Or would I smile and watch it slowly fall.


Well, I started this post at 5am and now it's nearly 6. I should probably take my shower, do my hair, put on some clothes, be busy for a couple of hours, print off my resume then head down town for my interview. At least I'm getting good at this. Now if only I could make money doing nothing but going to interviews, smiling and nodding and sending subliminal messages saying "you know you want to hire me. And worship me like unto a god."

BTW - the random song lyrics in this morning's post really were random. They were taken from which ever song my computer switched to at that given moment. These lyrics were brought to you by Ben Folds, Alanis Morissette, Steven Schwartz (Wicked), and Cake.

Anyways, here's hoping a good day for everybody out there!
 
 
 
 
 
 
I love pure posts like this, free from artifice, and sans all that "trying to be important here" baggage.

I'm sorry you hate me now. ;)

-steelbuddha